What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
