I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
