Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
