I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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