I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
