I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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