You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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