I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
