: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
