I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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