i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I understand Curling. That high.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
