just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
