Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
