At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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