so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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