I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
