I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
