Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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