Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
