I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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