He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
