Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
