what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
