is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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