Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
