bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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