I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
