I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
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Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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