i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
