she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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