Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
