Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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