I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
