so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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