i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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