My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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