so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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