My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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