Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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