Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
