Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
