Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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