this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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