I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I forget how to act sober
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you