Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am available for nakedness
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
