If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's shark week go big or go home
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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