Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
