last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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