Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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