I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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