Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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