If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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