Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
