My underwear smells like fireworks.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
