i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
