i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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