one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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