oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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