The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
