I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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