Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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