I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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