I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
