I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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