I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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