im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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