What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
