Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
