im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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