remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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