btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
