Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
