Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
