Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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