Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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