everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
